Jul 8, 2013

June Helen Clayton

I haven't written on my blog in months and so much has changed.  On June 8 at 11:26am I had our baby girl.  She was 8lbs 9oz and 20.5 inches long.  And my goodness, she is cute!

The night before, my water broke.  I was afraid I had just peed my pants so I didn't tell anyone until I knew for sure.  Randal was at his brothers house helping out and wouldn't answer his phone.  I decided to take a shower and take my time getting ready to go to the hospital.  At this point I knew for sure that my water had broken since I had to hold a towel between my legs while I was getting things ready to go.  I finally got a hold of him and he sped home haha.  I hadn't packed yet so I took my time getting things together while I waited for Randal.  He got home and we headed to the hospital.  You aren't allowed to eat once you are admitted for labor so we made a stop at Pita Pit for some food.  It was strange walking into the restaurant with a towel stuffed discreetly in my pants (ha!) knowing I was going into labor and having no one else know.  We got our food to go and spent our last few moments before we were parents eating Pita Pit in the hospital parking garage.

We checked into Labor and Delivery around 11pm and my parents got to the hospital around midnight when the nurse started pitocin.  It was so surreal knowing that we were just waiting for our baby to come and that when we finally left the hospital we would have a daughter.  My parents left after about an hour and went to our house to sleep and wait until we called them saying June was coming.  Around 3am the contractions were getting painful so I decided it was time for my epidural.  That was the worst part of the whole thing.  The doctor had to try three times to get my epidural in the right place.  The first two times he kept hitting a nerve.  It hurt so bad and I was terrified, but once he finally got the third one to work correctly I was fine.  I had control over my body the whole time with my epidural.  I could lift myself up, I could move the bottom half of my legs, the only thing I couldn't feel were the contractions.

At about 8am it was time to start pushing.  During active labor I could feel everything become less numb.  Nothing was starting to hurt, but I was afraid that by the time it was hurting, it would be too late.  The anesthesiologist came in (a new one) and hooked me up.  I've always heard that you don't feel pain during labor with an epidural, just pressure, but I didn't feel ANYTHING.  I could still move the lower half of my legs so I felt in control, but I was so comfortable during labor.  Finally June came and it was so strange.  I couldn't believe that I wasn't pregnant anymore and that I had a daughter.  She was so cute and big!  Some women say they instantly are bonded with their babies but I didn't necessarily feel that.  I liked her, but I didn't feel like I knew her yet. Being in the hospital almost felt like I was just watching someones baby, not my own; nothing felt real.

Just seconds old.  Tons of hair and scary blue.

First time meeting June.

We both were teary eyed.  I love this picture. 

Jacy and Curtis came to visit.

First real family picture where everyone is fully dressed (for the most part). 

Homemade edible arrangement from Abe and Sage. 

Why is it babies faces get so red and splotchy?

Drake came to meet June.

The day we came home the worst day we've had so far.  My milk hadn't come in yet, nursing was still hard, and June was hungry and mad about it.  Anytime I tried nursing, she would just scream.  Not like a tiny newborn scream, but like a crazed high pitched scream.  I was trying my best and she still wasn't happy.  It was just a bad day.  My hormones were going crazy, she was hungry and I didn't feel like I had bonded to her yet.  I just felt like she didn't like me.  

The next day everything changed.  My milk came in, she started nursing and was infinitely happier.  And I was able to get out of that sad mood that I had been in.  I actually felt like I could do this, I could be a mom.  Instead of breaking down and crying every time she did, I was able to comfort her and love on her in that way that only a mom can for her baby.  Having my mom there was great.  She helped me realize that both June and I had to figure things out, not just me.  June was just as new to this as I was.  

My mom stayed for about a week, and then Randal's parents came to stay for a week.  It was great because I was terrified of being alone and having to care for June on my own.  It was also nice to just have company in the house.  Randal got two weeks off paid for paternity leave (thanks Adobe!) so he was around as well.  When all of our visitors left, it was time for Randal to get back to work and I truly was alone with my baby.  However, I was ready for it.  I was ready to figure things out with just June and I, and to fall into a schedule that was ours.  We had about a week with just us, and then was the 4th of July so June and I went up to my parents house to celebrate while Randal worked on our new house (I'll post pics and details later about that).  

Today June is one month old!  And I love her so much.  It feels weird that I ever felt so sad about it all.  I guess its true, baby blues are a B.  June is usually really happy, well she is usually really sleepy with a few hours of alertness (and she isn't even crying!) so I assume she is happy.  She has started spitting up a bunch and is growing out of that tiny helpless lump-of-a-person brand new newborn stage.  She loves her binky and loves to roll to her side.  We really were so lucky with her.  Randal is obsessed with her, which helps because she wakes him up at night grunting and he is able to quickly get over it.  Which is huge; if you know Randal you know the boy takes his sleep seriously.  

And now for more pictures!
Snuggling her pup.

haha  milk drunk

First day of church
snuggling as I'm writing this blog post